(21 Jan 1998)
The scene begins with aphzen, aj, and trui sitting comfortably around the room. aphzen is making eyes at trui, who, tired and besotted with her new-found love, doesn't notice.
* aphzen gets up and dances around the room with trui.
<trui> aph: oh, i don't know what rasp would have to say aobut
that :)
<aphzen> trui, naw. he wouldnt care, im minding you =)
<trui> aph: sure you are :)
<aj> aph: wanna bet? :)
<trui> aj: logging this? <g>
<aj> trui: zer0 is. it'll be up on the web at 5 this morning, i
suspect
<trui> aj: <g>
Enter Shakkaz, stage left.
<aj> re shakkaz <trui> wb shak <sHakkAz> wat da heck happened den? <sHakkAz> *sigh*
Enter Rasputin, stage right.
<Rasputin> back...
<aj> morning rasp
<Rasputin> stupid uq
<trui> hi again rasp?
<trui> argh! it's human nature!!!
* trui runs out of the room
* Rasputin puts his arms around trui again :)
<trui> oh rasp?
* Rasputin is amazed that he managed to stay up this long
<trui> aj: can you quote taht thing?
<trui> :)
<aj> trui: quote which thing?
<trui> the one aph said
* trui howls with laughter
<Rasputin> what'd aph say/
<trui> he wouldn't care? <g>
<aj> trui: ``<aphzen> trui, naw. he wouldnt care, im
minding you =)'' ?
<trui> we'll see
<aj> trui: or the one about dancing with you that's scrolled off
screen now?
<trui> aj: that's the one :)
Rasputin glares with unabated fury at aphzen. Pausing but to turn his smile round the dial, he pulls a club from nowhere and metamorphoses into Og, caveman of the Oracle.
* Og big hunter * Og big dinosaur hunter * Og hunt aphzen
aphzen, in a belated attempt to curry favour with Rasputin, attempts to defend himself.
<aphzen> rasputin, ahahah. well. trui was there all lonely and
singing. so i danced with her, and said you wouldnt care ;)
A much belated effort.
* Og kill aphzen * trui laughs * Og cook aphzen on big hot rock <trui> eww * Og eat now cooked aphzen
Satisfied with his revenge, Rasputin reverts to his mild mannered form, losing the hairy knuckles, the slack jaw and his mighty club. The survivors relax, and talk contentedly amongst themselves.
<trui> aph: thanks for the thought :)
<aj> rasp: Og have way big stomach. :)
<Rasputin> rofl
<Rasputin> Og dinosaur hunter :)
<trui> ug
* sHakkAz is reminded of his favourite far-side cartoon
<aj> rasp: *lol* :)
<trui> blah
<Rasputin> foo
<aj> bar
<aj> baz
<aj> quux
<aj> quuux
<aj> quuuux
<aj> quuuuux
<trui> aj: okay....
<aj> quuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuuuux
<trui> that's enough :)
<aj> quuuuuuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuuuuuuuux
<aj> quuuuuuuuuuuuuuuux
* Rasputin fwaps aj
* trui wants to ruin this
<Rasputin> careful, I'll get Og back
<trui> :)
<aj> metasyntactic variables are my middle names.
<trui> apparently :)
<aj> ``Anthony foo bar baz quux quuux ... Towns''. That's me. :)
<trui> aj: of course it is :)
* Rasputin looks at all the pretty pretty blinking lights on his
computers
* trui leans on the chair
<trui> i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired
<trui> fight sleep
<Rasputin> go to bed then silly :)
<aj> trui: so go to bed
<trui> can't be bothered walking up the stairs
<trui> too much effort
* sHakkAz just looks at aj........ no, i think it's me.
aj, like a villain in a kids' cartoon series about four teenage detactives and their dog, rips off his mask to reveal... sHaKAz!
<sHaKAz> yes, i am just you
<trui> okay...
* sHakkAz is now scared....
<sHaKAz> shak: how did you ever see through my cunning disguise?
<sHakkAz> actually, aj, that's amazing
<sHakkAz> noone in the history of irc has ever done that before
<trui> NEVER!
<trui> :)
<sHaKAz> shak: ever?
<sHakkAz> come to think of it, i'm surprised it hasn't happened
before
<sHakkAz> shakaz: *ever*
Before the original sHakkAz can recover his composure, Rasputin grips his hair and pulls violently on it, and the rest of his face. Unmasked, Rasputin bears more than a close resemblence to sHakkAz as... sHakKkAz.
<sHakkAz> oh here we go ;P~~~~~~
<sHakKkAz> look, I can do it to
<trui> i reckon
* sHakkAz shakes his head
<sHaKAz> hey! we're _all_ shakkaz!
<sHaKAz> wow.
* trui gets to see curly tomorrow! woohoo
<trui> i'm not
* sHakKkAz shakes his head
<sHaKAz> i didn't realise. that's... freaky.
* sHakkAz looks at the channel names list
<trui> and neither is aph
* sHaKAz looks amazed.
<sHakkAz> hahahhhahahaahahhahaha
* sHakkAz is amused greatly :)
<trui> that's strange you lot...
<sHakkAz> trui: thanks! :(
* sHakKkAz looks at shakkaz and shakaz, and screams "imposters"
<sHaKAz> trui: i'm not the imposter! they are! *points*
<trui> too weird...
<trui> sure
* sHakkAz puts his fingers in his ears - no!!! the imposters are
screaming!
* sHaKAz says quietly: there! betrayed by his own mouth!
<trui> whatever
Then, adding further to the confusion, sHakkAz opens up his trench coat to reveal... a young girl named truui bearing an amazing resemlance to trui.
Meanwhile, sHakKkAz fumbles around for the mask with Rasputin's face and replaces it over his own.
<truui> i think i'm tired * trui fwaps truui <sHaKAz> aj: you're trui now? <trui> shuddup... <aphzen> hmmmm <truui> shakaz: nice try aj :P <Rasputin> *yawn* <trui> aph: escape while you still can! <g>
After prolonged contact with the real trui, truui begins to mutate into a foul, diseased being that bears some resemblance to Rasputin, yet oddly distorted into Disputin
* aphzen throws trui over his shoulder and runs. * aphzen watches rasputin become og again. <Disputin> yawn
sHaKAz spins quickly, metamorphosing first into aj, then into the ungainly shape of Og, the mighty hunter.
<trui> aph: :)
A few faint chords of The Female of the Species can be heard for a fleeting moment as trui smiles at aphzen.
<Rasputin> aph: nar... trui will beat you up and come back to me * Og look at rasp. <Rasputin> Og: fetch trui.... <Disputin> rasputin: i dispute that <aphzen> kinky. * trui kicks the crap out of aph :) * Og chase aph-zen. * Og catch aph-zen.
Unaware of the awesome stupidity of Og the cave dweller, aphzen is unconcerned, and attempts to do away with his captor.
* aphzen shoots og. * Og kick aph-zen in hed. <Rasputin> aph: og too slow to be hurt by bullet * aphzen looks at his injuries. 'oh bother' <trui> this is strange... * Og catch tru-eee be-fore she hit ground. <trui> too strange * Og drop rock on aph-zen. * Og pick rock up. * Og drop rock on aph-zen more. * Og pick aph-zen leg up * Og drag aph-zen back to rasp * Og look at rasp <Rasputin> good boy Og <Og> rasp: ooog!
As the last echoes of Og's triumphant cry fade, the warrior hero fades into aj.
* Rasputin give Og cavewoman
aj, his mind momentarily overcome by the primal beauty of Og's cavewoman, flickers out of existance, replaced by the victorious Og, who immediately moves toward his new cave woman.
Meanwhile, trui has grown more and more concerned by the mysterious stranger in the form of the man in whose lap she sits.
<trui> who the hell is disputin? <Rasputin> disputin = shak <trui> oh okay
And proving Rasputin's words almost before he's finished saying them, Disputin folds in on himself like a Transformer to once again become the mighty sHaKkAz
* sHaKkAz apologises, i thought it was clear * Og think Og better aj: Og got woman. * Og drag woman away.
With Og safely away, aj reappears.
* aj looks jealously at Og's departing form. <aj> don't care anyway, ya smartalec neanderthol <trui> aj's many personalities <sHaKkAz> LOL aj <trui> live!!! lightning crashes!!! MMM <trui> very soon <trui> now <aphzen> lightning crashes... <trui> one of fav songs! <sHaKkAz> trui: how'd you know? <aphzen> trui, i've stolen knapps two live cds =p <trui> shak: i'm psychic :) <sHaKkAz> trui: it hasn't even started playing yet?? <trui> aph: that's the spirit :) <trui> shak: on now <sHaKkAz> trui: once again, you're scaring me :)) <aphzen> trui, and his java book and his <aphzen> well. <sHaKkAz> trui: yeh, *now* <aphzen> im sure you get the idea <trui> shak: someone requested it
Og, obviously only partially sated by a single cave woman, returns.
<trui> aph: don't worry, i do :)
* Og return!
* Og think cave-woh-man good!
<sHaKkAz> trui: oh, i see, i wasn't paying attention to the
talking
* Rasputin pats Og on the head
* Og think rasp god!
* aphzen nukes rasputin and og, and bolts with trui.
<aphzen> muhahahha
<Rasputin> aph: go away...
* Og not know what newk mean.
* Og chase aph-zen!
<aphzen> haha
* Rasputin shows Og the ZOT staff that he stole from Orrie
* Og throw spear at aph-zen!
<trui> great song
* aphzen watches voyager's shields sizzle as the spear comes near him
;)
<aj> og: this isn't nethack, and anyway, nooks is better at
that.
<trui> LIVE are cool
* Rasputin uses Orrie's staff of ZOT upon aphzen
<aphzen> well.
<aphzen> considering im on voyager,
<aphzen> with shields
<aphzen> and photons.
<sHaKkAz> trui: their music is superlative, but their lyrics
often leave me wondering
<aphzen> and you have spears.
<aphzen> and a stick.
<aphzen> im not phearing ;p
<aj> og: why don't you just go back to your cave woman, ya prat?
<Rasputin> aj: coz he knows he'll get another cavewoaman
<aj> rasp: shuddup.
* Og look at rasp. Rasp is Orrie! Rasp is God!
* Rasputin gives Og another cavewoman
* aj thinks he'll go find Adriaan and talk about rasp behind his
back.
<Rasputin> he he
* sHaKkAz wonders where ras has all these cave-wi-men hidden
* Og look at rasp happy
<Rasputin> shak: want one?
<Rasputin> shak: remember, I'm Orrie (according to Og anyway)
<sHaKkAz> ras: no thanks, i don't like greek women with too much
hair either :P
<sHaKkAz> sorry orrie ;-)
<Rasputin> here... have Lisa :) I want Louise
* Og look at troo-ee.
* Og want more cave-wimm-enn.
Storm clouds fill the sky.
* Rasputin finds anohter cavewoman * Og not want that. * Og want troo-ee. <Rasputin> Og: you can't have trui <Rasputin> have Lisa
trui, with the same mysterious powers of women the world over, responds before the words had reached her ears.
<trui> who's lisa??? * Og WANT TROO-EE!! * Og throw stone at rasp. * Rasputin ZOTS Og * Og jump in air: OW! OW! OW! <trui> finally <Rasputin> trui: Lisa is the Oracles g/f * Rasputin ZOTS again * Og look sad at rasp :(
Repeated use of one of the Oracular Staffs of Zot always comes at a price, however, and Rasputin ages aeons in a second, and becomes another incarnation of the Oracle, Orrie.
<trui> rasp: ahh. getcha <aphzen> hmmmm <Orrie> Og behave * Og jump in air and run <trui> aph: this is weird * aphzen powers forward phaser banks. * sHaKkAz blinks <trui> :) <trui> okay * Og hit ground and run quick * sHaKkAz blinks yet again * Orrie ZOTS aphzen <trui> you've all gone insane * sHaKkAz is stupefied by the channel before him * trui wanders off * aj watches Og's dust as he flees. <sHaKkAz> trui: why thankyou ma'am <aj> Gee. <aj> And he left these two cave women here. <aj> How careless. * aj `tidies up'.
At the sight of Og fleeing, Orrie relaxes his tight grip on the Zot Staff, and, as it loses its control over him, revers to Rasputin.
<Rasputin> stay here trui :)
<trui> shak: no worries :)
<sHaKkAz> ras: orrie??
<trui> rasp: just for you darl :)
<Rasputin> we'll give the two cavewoman to barney rubble over
there
* sHaKkAz didn't work out where that one came frrom
* aj looks at aphzen.
<aj> Typical.
<aj> Why does everyone else always get the cave women??
<Rasputin> shak: ever noticed how aphzen looks like barney rubble?
* trui fwaps rasp! don't be rude!
<sHaKkAz> ras: i've never really taken the time to have a good
look. i don't intend to :-)
* Rasputin gives aj a cavebuffy
A stunned silence descends.
<trui> aj drools?
<Rasputin> tee hee... sorry :)
* aj shudders with excitement and promptly faints.
* trui laughs at aj
<trui> good work
<trui> that's the way to impress her :)
<sHaKkAz> i wanna cavebuffy!
* aj wakes up a few minutes later.
<aj> cavebuffy: was it good for you too, hun?
* trui is going to have a rest on the bed in this room
<trui> cos i'm tired
* Rasputin hands aj a big stick to hit the cavebuffy with
<trui> blah
<trui> actually, i'll stay on a bit longer
* sHaKkAz wanders off in search of sweet dreams of buffy the caveman
slayer
<trui> shak: :)
* aj holds the stick gingerly in his hands watching the cave buffy.
* aj recalls what happened to Giles in the last episode.
* aj puts the stick down on the ground /very/ carefully.
* aj tries to communicate with the cave buffy.
<aj> cavebuffy: You Buff-ee. Me Ayn-gel.
* Rasputin watches Og come slinking back into the cave
<aphzen> aj, shes cave buffy, smack her over the head and take
her home.
<trui> aph: so crude
<trui> :)
<aj> aph: /you/ try smacking /any/ buffy over the head and see
what it gets you.
<aphzen> trui, well thats the cave way.
<aphzen> aj, yeah, she may need facial reconstructive surgery.
<trui> aph: righto then...
<sHaKkAz> aj: ROTFAL!! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !!!
* sHaKkAz tears
* aj stickytapes shak?
<sHaKkAz> PML!!!!
<Rasputin> aj: gaffer tape is much better for that
* trui smacks buffy over the head, and promptly watches buffy fall
over
<trui> woohoo
<Rasputin> you go girl :
<Rasputin> :)
* trui smiles
...but this time she smiles too early, for...
* aj watches buffy kick trui over as she falls into a comfortable
crouch
* Rasputin ZOTS the cavebuffy
<sHaKkAz> tears as in eyes, not as in paper :P~~~~
* aj watches buffy get up, walk over to trui, and say some witty one
liner that he can't quite hear.
<aphzen> trui, well, you've smacked her over the head, now you
have to take her some.
<trui> damn. i really need to start walking again
<aj> s/hear/make up on the spot/, if you like.
<aphzen> trui, well, you've smacked her over the head, now you
have to take her home.
<trui> aph: aren't the lucky one? :)
<Rasputin> trui: say, how do you look in a white spanish summer
dress?
<Rasputin> </ObOracleReference>
Curtain close.
Enter MrFlibble, centre.
You owe MrFlibble the first two seasons of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer via DCC.
Lights dim to black.
Exit MrFlibble.
This script was based on a true story, as recorded in zer0's Log of the Day